I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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