butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
