So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
