While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
