I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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