so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
