your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
