i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Just high enough for therapy.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
