i already hear my dad disowning me
he puts the penis in happiness.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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