We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
