we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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