I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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