i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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