My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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