New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Who died my cat blue again?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
