I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
