So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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