I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
