this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
