mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
