she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
