I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
