Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
The feeling are messing with the penis
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
