i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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