He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
