I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
