So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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