All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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