Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
where are my eyebrows?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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