Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
How does one acquire holy water?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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