My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
