it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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