He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
