Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
