If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
