Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
