I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
