There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Dick very happy bro
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
