WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
