yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
