it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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