He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
