Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I just gift wrapped bread.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
