how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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