Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
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