chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
