The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
