Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
