I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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