I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
