I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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