I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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