the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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