it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
