wakey wakey hands off snakey
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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