Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
The power of my boobs compel you
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
