I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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