Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I am never drinking with the goths again.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
